cooking

Stay The Fuck Home The Seitanic Edition

Since everyone is buying up all of the Vital Wheat Gluten so they can make their own bread flour, and bread flour will likely start hitting the shelves again…. well, you are going to have a lot of Vital Wheat Gluten in your pantry. Time for you to learn how to make Seitan. As a bonus, I’m including one of my recipes.

First… what is Seitan (aka Wheat Meat). Wheat Meat isn’t a new thing, it’s been around for centuries and has been used in Asian dishes for just as long. The term Seitan is newer and yes, it’s pronounced the same as Satan!

Why eat Seitan? It punches a protein punch. 1/2 a cup of Seitan has 46 grams of protein in it. It’s easy to make and is a great meat substitute, plus, as I said earlier… for those of you who hoarded it, you are going to need to use it up eventually!

Let’s make Seitan!

First you will need to create a large ring with salt. Next draw a pentagram in the middle of that circle. In the middle of the pentagram place a white candle… Oops! Sorry, right… we aren’t summoning Satan… making Seitan. Get it together Lizzie!

Here are some really fun videos and recipes! Also, get your kids involved. This will be fun for them!

Basic Seitan Recipe https://simpleveganblog.com/seitan/

Seitan Steak (I made this recently and it was delish!) https://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/vegan-seitan-steak/

Seitan Tenders (yes, I show a lot of It Doesn’t Taste Like Chicken recipes — they are basic ingredients and easy to follow!)
https://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/vegan-seitan-tenders/

Seitan Nuggets – McDonald’s Inspired (kids will love this one)
https://www.theedgyveg.com/2014/03/08/vegan-mcdonalds-series-mcnuggets/

Instant Pot Seitan

Seitan Sausage
https://www.veggierose.com/post/2017/12/06/easy-vegan-sausage

Lizzie’s Seitan Sausage Recipe

Makes 4 medium-sized sausages or 6 small.  For more sausages, double or triple the recipe.

Preparation 20 minutes

Cook Time 45/50 mins

Tools: Potato masher, Bowl, Tinfoil, Steamer basket, large pot to steam with (can also be done in an Instant Pot), Standmixer (or hand knead until gluten strings form when you pull it apart)

1 Cup black beans (for the best flavour)
¼ Cup vegetable broth
1 TBSP olive oil or neutral oil of choice
1 ½ TBSP soy sauce or coconut aminos or tamari sauce
1 TBSP red miso
2 TSP smoked paprika
1 TSP fennel seeds

1 TSP cumin seeds
1 TSP black pepper
1 TSP red chili flakes
1 TSP garlic powder
1 TSP onion powder

1/3 can Jackfruit (in water or brine, do not use the one in syrup) (make sure to shred/pull apart the Jackfruit pieces)
3 TBSP nutritional yeast (I sometimes add a bit extra to boost the flavour)
1 TBSP potato starch

2 TBSP Chickpea flour

¾ Cup vital wheat gluten + 2 TBSP

In a large bowl or standmixer bowl place the black beans and with a potato masher to mash them until they are creamy (it’s ok to have some beans that aren’t completely mashed).

Add the broth, oil, soy sauce, shredded Jackfruit  and miso. Stir well to combine.

Add the smoked paprika, fennel, cumin, black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and red chili (and other spice combos you choose). Stir well to combine.

Add the nutritional yeast, potato starch, chickpea flour, and vital wheat gluten to the bowl and stir until it is all thoroughly combined. If you are using a stand mixer, use the dough hook and knead until gluten strings have begun to form.

If mixing by hand, when it gets too hard to stir, get in there with your hands and knead. Knead till you see it slightly stringy (this is the gluten working)

Let rest for approximately 5 minutes.

Quarter the batter, and form each section into a sausage shape. Make sure to pack the dough tightly as you shape it.

Wrap tightly in a sheet of aluminum foil, and wrap the ends to seal the sausage inside.

Repeat with all of the sausage dough. I also give them a roll on the table, after they have been wrapped, to even out the shape.

Prepare your steam basket. Once steaming, add the sausages, and steam for 45 minutes. 

If you are using an Instant Pot, steam for 40 minutes, then do a 10-minute natural release and then release the rest of the steam. Make sure you have at least 1 cup of water in the Instant Pot pot before you steam.

Allow them to cool to room temperature.

Once cooled, place the sausages, still wrapped in aluminum, in the fridge to firm for 3 to 5 hours or overnight (this is especially important if you plan to grill them — I usually leave them overnight)

You can reheat, grill, sauté, cook, or do whatever you want with them.

Stay The Fuck Home Shop Your Pantry, Fridge and Freezer Edition

We all have those items in our pantry that we bought ages ago and forgot about. A can of palm of hearts, a box of chana masala mix, that box of gluten free macaroni, that spice mix that you were going to make a dish with… and you can’t remember what it was, the can of pineapple rings about to expire… you all get it. A few of us will also have a few staples such as rice, few cans of beans, tomatoes and some tomato paste. Heck there might even be some flour in there.

I am trying to keep our grocery shopping to a minimum. Because of that we will be shopping our pantry, fridge and freezer to stretch all of what we have to hopefully keep us fed for the next couple weeks. The less we are out, the less likely we will catch COVID-19.

Below are some links to fun YouTube videos on how to shop your own pantry or make recipes with what you have in your fridge. Enjoy and share your yummy dishes with me!

Stay The Fuck Home The Dried Beans Edition

Beans, beans, beans, beans! Beans, beans, beans, beans!

You know you want to sing the song!

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot [or “poot”]
The more you toot, the better you feel
So we have beans at every meal!1
or
Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the happier/better you feel
So let’s eat beans with every meal1
or
Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the more you eat
The more you sit on the toilet seat
or
Beans, beans, they give you gas
They make you fart, and burn your ass
The more you eat, the more it hurts
So slow down your eating to stop the squirts
Beans, beans, the magical fruit the more you eat the more you toot 1This line can also be replaced with: “So eat them beans at every meal”
or
Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart
the more you eat the more you fart
the more you fart the better you feel

Come on! Beans are good for you! They are heart-healthy and full of protein! Most of all, they can be really easy to make! On top of that, they are shelf stable and really inexpensive!

Here are a few videos that show you how to make them. I’ve included stove top, Instant Pot and slow cooker methods. Don’t forget to pre-soak them. They will be easier to digest and that means less farting.

Stay The Fuck Home The Bread Making Edition

When this all began, there was a wave of panic shopping that cleared the shelves of toilet paper, disinfectant everything and bread. We didn’t participate in any of the chaos. In fact I stood back, shaking my head in confusion, wondering why the fuck are you hoarding toilet paper? Shouldn’t you be buying non-perishable or shelf-stable foods? Our cupboards are always full of staples and canned goods. I have lots of flours and dried beans. I also grew up with a mother and grandmothers who practiced buying 2 of something when it’s on sale. They also knew how to preserve food and bake bread. Thankfully, I paid attention. Over the next few posts I am going to have helpful information on how to bake bread, cook dried beans and preserve. A series of homesteading posts if you will.

Currently, one of my favourite channels on YouTube is Glen & Friends. This channel focuses on easy to follow recipes and on Sunday’s post Depression Era recipes. Currently Glen is posting Pandemic focuses recipes, where the content focuses on using what you have in your cupboards and fridge. Glen also has several videos on how to make bread, including no knead bread. This type of recipe is for those who are new to bread making. Below is a link to that video.

If you are a little more adventurous and want to learn how to make your own sour dough starter I have written a blog post about that and the process of making sour dough bread. Click here.

Sour dough can be a time consuming process. If you want the shorter version, Glen & Friends also have a video for that.

If you want to get extra fancy, this channel has a play list you will like.

I go back and forth between using a bread machine and making sourdough from scratch. I gotta tell you, two of the things, I am really grateful that I own right now are three appliances, my breadmaker, Instant Pot and the pasta maker. Once people clued in that they couldn’t eat toilet paper, they started hoarding dried pasta as well. Below are a few breadmaker recipes, for those who have or who are going to buy a bread maker.

You can also do sour dough in the breadmaker.

Heck you can even make dessert breads in a breadmaker.

And pizza dough and doughs for rolls.

Stay The Fuck Home Entertain Yourself Edition

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts from friends witnessing way too many people out on the streets and in generally populated areas, including lounging in parks. Apparently, there are still people who don’t understand social distancing. The only times you should be going out is for groceries/supplies and exercise.

If you miss interacting with you friends, you can have virtual coffee or a Netflix Party. Platforms like Google Hangouts, Zoom or Facebook allow video conferencing.

As mentioned another fun thing to do is Netflix Party. https://www.netflixparty.com/

You can also live stream from YouTube or Facebook. Get a dance party going!

If you want to do things on your own, you can get caught up on reading or learn something new. Here are a few suggestions.

Open Culture has a TONNE of free ebooks http://www.openculture.com/free_ebooks

Go learn about ancient botany. https://botany.edwardworthlibrary.ie/ancient-botany/ancient-botany-2/

Take a virtual museum tour. https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/virtual-tours-canada-museums_ca_5e7275c2c5b6eab77941338d

My friend Diana Coatsworth is teaching you how to do sewing basics such as sew on a button! https://www.facebook.com/diana.coatsworth.7/videos/10163201173745634/

Ask Sarah Has a lot of sewing tutorials and hacks. https://www.asksarah.com.au/

Draw something, even if you haven’t for years.

Find a cooking video on YouTube.

Do Yoga or some other form of exercise.

Dig out that copy of Macbeth you’ve had since High School and start acting out scenes.

Go through your closet and have a fashion show. This also helps you purge items you don’t need and someone else could use!

Learn how to do the CanCan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL2g1WuuqKU

Adult Colouring http://www.openculture.com/2019/02/download-free-coloring-books-from-113-museums.html?fbclid=IwAR1exfo2aaUsahjbaGwue9yeJL9jhkPFVDkQFpGFCBspII4HMqHet0wyDg4

There are soooooo many things you could be doing at home. You don’t need to be out with your friends or meeting up in parks! Be responsible!!!

Stay The Fuck Home The Cooking Edition

Thanks to all of the people who did panic shopping when this all went down a little over a week ago, many of us are struggling to find staples on the grocery shelves and are resorting to making meals with what ever is in our cupboard, fridge and freezer. This isn’t completely a bad thing, you finally get to use that can of heart of palm you bought a year ago. Why did I buy that again?

I’ve always had to be resourceful when it comes to cooking. I’ve been on my own since I was 18 and money has been hard to come by on many occasions, so I’ve had to be creative with food. I always managed and never went hungry thankfully. There have been a few times in our history where we were going through wars or The Great Depression and putting food in your cupboards was beyond desperate times. During those times, homemakers had to make due with what they could get their hands on. I’ve been researching some of these recipes and below is some of what I found.

If you have kids, this might be a fun thing to do with them!

This one has a recipe for poor man’s stew. Sounds like something I ate as a kid.
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/85597/8-curious-recipes-depression-era

Most of these look ok. Not too sure about the grape pie. https://www.tasteofhome.com/collection/depression-era-recipes/

I’ve watched quite a few videos from this channel.

I’m pretty sure I remember my Grandma making Hot Water Pie. https://soyummy.com/great-depression-food/

Glen and Friends does a lot of Depression Era Cooking.

This website has quite a few WW2 recipes. Another time in our history were there was food rationing.
http://cookit.e2bn.org/historycookbook/index-20-world-war-2.html

More WW2 recipes. A lot of these look pretty ok! I’m going to see if I can Veganize a few.
https://the1940sexperiment.com/100-wartime-recipes/

Here are a bunch of Canadian Wartime recipe books you can download. https://wartimecanada.ca/archive-categories/recipes