Stay The Fuck Home The Dried Beans Edition

Beans, beans, beans, beans! Beans, beans, beans, beans!

You know you want to sing the song!

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot [or “poot”]
The more you toot, the better you feel
So we have beans at every meal!1
or
Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the happier/better you feel
So let’s eat beans with every meal1
or
Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the more you eat
The more you sit on the toilet seat
or
Beans, beans, they give you gas
They make you fart, and burn your ass
The more you eat, the more it hurts
So slow down your eating to stop the squirts
Beans, beans, the magical fruit the more you eat the more you toot 1This line can also be replaced with: “So eat them beans at every meal”
or
Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart
the more you eat the more you fart
the more you fart the better you feel

Come on! Beans are good for you! They are heart-healthy and full of protein! Most of all, they can be really easy to make! On top of that, they are shelf stable and really inexpensive!

Here are a few videos that show you how to make them. I’ve included stove top, Instant Pot and slow cooker methods. Don’t forget to pre-soak them. They will be easier to digest and that means less farting.

4 comments

  1. I use one 16 Oz bag of Thompson Pea Beans (grown in Ontario, available at Fortino’s so maybe any PC store?) An old family recipe works beautifully and may work with other dried beans. Clean and pick over the beans. In a large pot, cover with water plus an inch, and bring to a boil. Pore through a sieve. Repeat adding 1 tsp of baking soda, said to reduce the gassiness, bring to a boil and strain. Repeat a third time and after coming to a boil leave the water on. Add whatever other ingredients you want, then bake for 8 hours at 275 F in the oven or in a slow cooker. Depending on your methods you may want to add liquid or stir occasionally.

    1. Note: on the second boil you will see a yellow colour in the foam of the boil – perhaps sulphur released from the beans.

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