kindness

Stay The Fuck Home It’s Ok To Be Kind To Yourself Edition

During times like what we are currently going through, we are all trying to put on a brave face. We keep saying we are ok, even when we probably aren’t. You know what, it’s ok to not to put on a brave face all of the time. It’s ok to feel anxious, sad, confused or depressed right now. When this whole thing started, I was ok. I felt good. I already work from home and had a routine. Most people aren’t used to this. On top of my routine, I decided to give myself a more structured schedule. Get up, do yoga, blog or draw, allow myself some time on social, COVID-19 updates, admin stuff, lunch, sew a bit, write, dinner…. etc. There were days that I didn’t feel like doing anything at all, but… I told myself, you need to keep to this schedule. Then…whammo, last week, depression. This week I effed up my neck. (I hold stress in my upper back and neck)

Yup… this girl suffers from depression and anxiety. What brings depression on? A number of things, but one of the biggies…. the news. I cannot read, watch or listen to the news because it brings on anxiety and depression, yet… EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY I WAS LISTENING TO IT. I needed to stop, but I needed to be informed, so I found a summary newsletter that comes out everyday from CBC. When it hits my inbox, I can scan it, read it all or delete it without opening it. On social I’ve muted anyone who is constantly posting conspiracy stuff or angry news stuff. Yes, you can mute people. Do it!

Most of what is making me anxious right now is going outside and grocery shopping. I need to go out for daily walks for my health and am worried that there will be hordes of people out there too. There hasn’t been and those who are out are courteous. But grocery shopping…. eeeeeeee. The last few times my husband has been going in for the most part. Last week was especially tough for me. I now have several masks. I know they won’t stop me from catching it, but wearing them does help with anxiety. It’s ok to feel this way.

You know what else is ok. If you have a day when you feel like doing nothing or you want to binge watch Netflix all day, or read all day or stare out window all day, just fucking do it! After… what ever week this is, I’ve stopped having my overly structured schedule. I’m back to my old routine and it feels better. I’m also not beating myself up for not being productive. Mind you, that has nothing to do with Pandemic Guilt as I call it. (Will get to that in a moment.) I’ve always been that way. Keep busy, don’t be lazy, accomplish stuff. I’ve given myself permission to be a lazy fuck once in a while.

Pandemic Guilt (as I’m calling it) is feeling like you should be doing something all the time. You see all of your friends sewing masks. You see friends working out like fiends. You see friends doing, doing, doing, doing. Ahhhhhhhh! You may also have people trying to guilt you into doing one or all of those activities. If you don’t want to, don’t do it. If you do it and it will fuck up your mental health. DON’T DO IT. Also, feel free to tell people to back the fuck up (it’s ok to be nice about this) if they are harassing you about it. It’s ok to not participate!

Do something kind for yourself during these times. Watch movies, read a book, take three hour bathes, order a dozen donuts, eat pizza… order a dozen donuts. I swear we didn’t eat them all in one sitting. Shut up! But seriously, do something that makes you happy, even if that something is doing nothing. No one is the boss of you and the only one who truly knows what makes you happy is you!

Stay The Fuck Home Get In Touch With Yourself Edition

Yes. I know this title can sound one of two ways… a bit sexy time with yourself or a bit hippy dippy. This blog post is leaning more to the latter. Sorry to disappoint those who were hoping for the former. You do what you gotta do!

Yoga Yes, I’m talking about yoga… again. Seriously, if you aren’t already doing it, do it! There are so many benefits to doing yoga every, single day. Your health improves, you get physically stronger, you tone your body, build muscle and flexibility. On top of that, it is really good for your mental well being.

Yoga With Adriene has amazing beginner videos. I’ve been doing yoga for years off and on (now permanently on) and every once in a while, I will go back and do some beginner yoga videos to make sure I’m doing the basics right. Here is a great video I did today.

Mediation A great way to ground yourself, to start to clear the cobwebs out of your head and to help move out those negative thoughts. It can be hard in the beginning to concentrate, but trust me, it gets easier.

Learn Tarot I have friends that do a card pull every single day. It helps to ground them. They also use the cards for meditation. Some of them do readings online (professionally) and if you want to get in touch with one of them let me know. Otherwise, you can learn how to do Tarot basics on your own. You can try free online courses or do a paid course by a Tarot professional such as Liz Worth. I have links below for both.

Liz Worth http://www.learntarot.com/

Free http://www.learntarot.com/

Journal A great way to relieve stress and get things off your mind or chest is to journal. You could do it old style and get one with a lock and key (anyone getting flashbacks of catching your little brother or sister trying to open your diary), or just use one of the many journals you have laying around. You know, the ones you keep buying because you have always planned on writing a journal and you did it for two days and stopped. Did I call a few of you out. 😉

If you aren’t comfortable writing about how you are feeling, you could also make it about the things you are observing around you. Or, just use it as a way to put down a flowing of words. Write poems, dirty limericks. Just write something.

Kindness and Mindfulness We go through life being conscious (I hope you are) that we need to show kindness and mindfulness to others, yet, we tend to forget to do this for ourselves. Before this Twilight Zone episode that is now our lives started, most lived fast paced lives, never taking time for themselves. Now that everything has come to a halt, we have no choice other than to slow down. That however, doesn’t mean spending all of your time sitting on a couch watching Netflix. Do one or all of the things I listed above and in addition to that, take a long bath, start reading through that pile of books you keep meaning to get to. Give yourself a home spa day. Paint your toenails. Take an actual shower and dress-up! Sing a song at the top of your lungs, even if you can’t sing. Do good things for yourself.

What positive things are you doing for yourself?

Day 12

Day 12! Today was a reminder that we need to be kind and gentle to ourselves when we are feeling tired and/or overwhelmed. This thoughfulness with myself is helping with my grief. Sometimes we forget to treat ourselves with kindness as well. I’m so glad I started yoga again.

For those who know me, you are well aware of my obsession with the 1920s/30s so it will be no surprise how much I LOVE Art Deco! I have several books on the subject and a few jewelry and glass pieces. I would LOVE to own Art Deco furnishings and who knows, when the furniture we currently have is beyond its well-loved state we can replace them with items from my beloved eras.

What is your favourite decade?

Look for the helpers. Look for the kindness. 

There is a lot of awful happening in the world right now and it’s found its way into the city I love, my city of Toronto. I don’t need to rehash it all here. Just go to any news source and you will get an eyeful. Oh yes, what a rosy way to start off this blog post. There is a point for this and I will get to that point. Please allow me to go on for a moment.

In the last few weeks, I have been trying to find ways to remove myself from a certain ‘Social Media’ platform. When I first joined in 2007, it was a fun way to interact with people. People I knew in person, people with common interests, people from all over the world. We had a lot of fun interacting, sharing and experiencing. Then… the fun stopped. It actually stopped a few years ago. The platform went from being actually social to a newsfeed filled with animal torture videos, reposts of mean tweets, horrible news stories of what was happening around the world… people just being cruel to other people. It was no longer a place to keep in touch with friends on the other side of the planet, contact long-lost childhood friends or find fun events to attend. It just became this horrible, horrible place. A place I no longer wanted to be a part of because I don’t like how it is making me feel.  But I didn’t know how to escape.

I’m a writer, performer and I run a small side business. I use Social Media as a place to promote myself, my events, my business and to find like-minded people. I, let’s say, need it. Or… do I? Raise your hands if you remember how we promoted all of this stuff prior to 2007. Show of hands, please. Just one? Just the guy way in the back??? Oh boy. Are we in trouble here? Well… how we use to do it was through postering, placing events listings far and wide, handing out flyers at other events and word of mouth. It was a lot of work and ‘Social Media’ not only made it easier, but it gave us a further reach. I run Vintage Groups on Social Media and we have members from all over the world! ALL OVER THE WORLD PEOPLE! Could I have done that pre-2007? Could I? That is my major conundrum, how do I go back to pre-2007 and still have the same impact? How do I get away from all of the awful?

Many moons ago I stopped watching the news and reading newspapers. I would go to work in an ok mood and by the time I got to work I was depressed, angry or both. Why? I had started grabbing the ‘free’ paper they gave out at the subway. It took me a while to figure out why this was happening, why I was feeling this way and then one day when the paper landed in my hand, I had bells going off! It was the culprit! I also figured out that I am super sensitive to all of it, so I stopped. Social Media is now having the same effect on me. Well, at least one platform is, the one that shall not be named. On the other side of it, platforms such as Instagram are having the opposite effect. They are bolstering my creativity and helping me build my business and career. I love how you can customize who and what you can see. It’s my happy place. I need more happy places.

Oh… right… the point!

mrrogers2

Last night, my fella and I went to see Won’t You Be My Neighbor? It was a documentary about Mr. Rogers and an incredibly beautiful tribute to a man who taught us that we are special and that kindness is important. Kindness. Something I myself have been trying to pass along as an important message. Kindness. Something this world really needs right now. Humankind seems to be forgetting the lessons that Mr. Rogers taught us. We need to figure out how to change this.

Along with Mr. Rogers, I also grew up with other shows that taught us the same message, The Gentle Giant and Mr. Dress Up. We need more shows like this and not just for children.

As I watched this movie, I was continually reminded of how important these shows were to me as a child. How they taught me what was ok and not ok. How happy they made me feel. If Mr. Rogers, Mr. Dress Up or The Gentle Giant were with us today, they would be horrified by the state of the world right now. There is a scene in the movie that deals with 9-11 and seeing how sad, how upset Fred Rogers was, broke my heart. You could feel this happen collectively throughout the audience. This movie touched me, touched the audience. Most of the theatre was in tears by the end of it. So… here’s the thing. Can we start remembering what Mr. Rogers stood for? Can we stop being so cruel to each other? Can we be patient and compassionate? But most importantly, can we start being kinder to each other?

Thank you Mr. Rogers for reminding me of what kind of world I want to live in. Look for the helpers. Look for the kindness.

It’s Such a Good Feeling

Written by Fred Rogers | © 1970, Fred M. Rogers

It’s such a good feeling
To know you’re alive.
It’s such a happy feeling:
You’re growing inside.
And when you wake up ready to say,
“I think I’ll make a snappy new day.”
It’s such a good feeling,
A very good feeling,
The feeling you know
You’re alive.

It’s such a good feeling
To know you’re in tune.
It’s such a happy feeling
To find you’re in bloom.
And when you wake up ready to say
“I think I’ll make a snappy new day,”
It’s such a good feeling,
A very good feeling,
The feeling you know that we’re friends.