sexy… naughty….

I’m invoking the 5 rule.  What is the 5 rule you ask.  Well my ghouls and boils… let me tell ya.

Two years ago at Word on the Street, I was working the booth for a publishing house I was working for at the time.  A young girl came up to the booth.  She had $10 to spend and decided she wanted one of our books.  Before letting her finish the purchase, her mother said to her, “Honey, you know what you have to do first.”  The girl said, “Ok Mommy” and while looking at the book named off 5 reasons why she should have the book.  She was able to do it quickly and confidently.  Her mother told her that because she followed the 5 rule, she could buy it.  Curious, I asked the mother what the five rule was, the daughter interceded.  She told me point blank, “If you want something you have to say 5 really good reasons in under a minute.  If you can’t you don’t want it or need it bad enough.”  As I said at the beginning of this post… I’m invoking the 5 rule and adding a twist to it.

I’m at a standstill in my life and rather than be thrown into another depression, I am realizing I need to not only make some major decisions about where my life is going, in order to do it and do it positively, I need to purge.  I need to purge, material things, unnecessary distractions and people.  Anything that is holding me back needs to go.  I have too much unnecessary ‘stuff’ in my life.  I seem to have a difficult time purging, so am using the 5 rule to do it.  If I can’t name 5 reasons, in under 1 minute as why to keep something.  It goes.  The process slows things down, but at least this… built in guilt… won’t win out when I attempt it.  But isn’t using this rule for people a little harsh you ask.  When it comes to people, I will at least show some fairness.

How the people purge works, if I can’t come up with 5 reasons that they should still be in my life, and if following the rules, they would be purged, unless they can give me 5 good reasons they should stay.  I tend to hold onto people, no matter how negative they are for me, in hopes of fixing things, that things will change.  People don’t change.  They don’t know how.  We are the only creatures that keep repeating the same mistakes, hoping for different results.  I’m that creature.  I’m ‘Miss Fix It’ as my father so lovingly calls me.  I have always unselfishly put others before me, with little or no reciprocation.  Even Mother Theresa knew when enough was enough so, that part of me is getting purged as well.  I am no longer fixing people or situations, the only thing I’m fixing is me.

As hard as this next little while will be.  It has to be done.  Material things, I will sell or donate to charities.  The rest, well, the rest will have to work itself out and it will.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been asking the Universe for a do over.  Certain aspects of my life haven’t been going as I would like them to and as a good friend has told me over and over, when you put what you want out to the Universe, you will get it. Of course, be careful what you wish for…

Has the Universe been listening, it most certainly has, and I seem to be getting second chances in my personal life and things are beginning to fall in place, though slowly, in my career as a writer/editor/pr person.  I received a much needed grant, jobs are coming in, I am rebuilding… but the Universe doesn’t seem to want me to get things easily.  Anything I’ve ever wanted in my life I’ve had to work for and work hard. I guess the Universe figures I have strong shoulders.  I’m tired of having strong shoulders.  I’m tired of working hard.

When the proverbial car is finally purring like a well fed kitten… the wrench magically finds it’s way into the gears…

… possible jury duty…

… computer  death and unexpected costs..

Jury duty… not so bad.  It’s an education and experience that I can use in my writing and now knowing my contract job will pay me if I get chosen, that stress is now gone.  I’m ok if I get picked, as a matter of fact PICK ME PICK ME!  But.. but… and here is where I get ferclempt…  after a lovely Friday night… I woke up to a dead computer… dead… done.. finito.  The hard-drive crashed, for reasons still unknown.  The hard-drive that contains all my files.  Files that are my writing.  Everything else I can rebuild.  Photos are on Facebook. Databases, address books, lists, though work, can be rebuilt… Editing, I can be resent the last versions of.  PR stuff, if need be can be redone.  But my writing.  The possible loss of my writing is making me sad and ill to my stomach.

Though my gut was telling me the day before, it was time to back-up, I didn’t.  8 months of new creations and revisions of older stories were on my computer.  I am kicking myself daily for not listening to my gut, a gut that is ALWAYS right!  The computer is being fixed, I’ve bought an external hard-drive so it doesn’t happen again the data can be recovered, for a cost.  A very, very expensive cost.

I’ve been calling around for quotes and have discovered, data recovery people… take advantage of those of us in a desperate situation.  Quotes beginning at $1000 is making me wonder, how badly I want my work back.  Getting a few files back… shouldn’t equal rent.  I don’t have $1000.  I can barely pay my bills as is.  I may have to admit, my writing is lost and start from scratch.  Maybe this is the Universe telling me all of this stuff wasn’t good enough and it needs to be redone the right way.

Everything that has happened to me in the last few weeks has also made me realize, I need to also make some other changes in my life.  I need to accept that come spring, I have to work part-time to keep above water and I will need to change my living situation.  Though I love my place, I need to be downtown and I need to live with a roommate.  The life of an artist, doesn’t have to be a starving one!

After all of this, I am finally getting the message.  I’m being given a do over, but am expected to do it correctly this time.  If I’m going to work so hard for something, I’d better make it worth my while as this might be the only do over I get.

I’m exhausted.  I just want to crawl into a ball on my couch, cover myself with the threadbare quilt my grandma made me and watch movies all day.  I will in a few hours, some work must be done, errands run. I’m exhausted but last night was worth it.  5 hours of wandering, watching, wishing.

The last few years that I’ve attended Nuit Blanche I never made it as far as the West End.  I always concentrated on Midtown/Downtown and a bit of the east.  This year I promised myself to go west first, over and over I’d heard about all the brilliant installations in Parkdale and needed to take that route on the Nuit Blanche adventure train instead.  Along with the company of the most amazing Cathy McKim, we started our night at the Vaudeville Hotel- A Burlesque World Record  Marathon and a marathon it was.

I love everything there is to love about Burlesque.  What I love the most are the sexy ladies, ladies that come in all shapes and sizes.  Ladies who are proud of their bodies and shake, shimmy and strip with amour for a seductive style of entertainment, that has taken over our city, thanks to people like Chris Mysterion, Tanya Cheex and troupes like Skin Tight Outta Site and Glamour Puss Burlesque.  Hosted by the ever Ghoulish Mullet the Clown, the non stop flow of Burlesque, magicians and musical acts, such as The Howling Bullets, had Cathy and I spending a good chunk of time at the Gladstone.  But, it wasn’t just about the Burlesque Marathon.

On the 2nd/3rd and 4th floors there were art installations.  However, it was something on the second floor that blew us both away.  Everyone who knows me well, loves my quirky little obsessions.  One of them is my passion for silent movies and the Edwardian/Flapper era.  I collect silent movies and though my collection is still quite small, it is dear to my heart.  Who knows, maybe in a past life I was a silent film actress.  One of the installations we saw was a 6 minute movie called The Roots Of The Tree.  An experimental film by director Britt Randle.  In the style of a silent movie, it was beautiful and haunting.  So haunting, Cathy and I talked about it all night.  It was the best 6 minutes I’ve spent in a very long time!  I would love to find out more about this director!

After a pit stop at Baccus Roti (finally filling my Roti craving) we made it to my next favourite installation on our 5 hour journey that never left Parkdale… Bondage Art at 442 Dufferin Street. After waiting for about 30 minutes in the chilly air to get in, we entered a room of rope bondage, some soft core S&M and beautiful art.  The room was packed with art lovers and photographers, though it was really hard to move around, it was so worth it.  I would liked to have stayed longer, we got there as they had finished the process and were untying everyone, but we wanted to get back to the Gladstone to see more Burlesque and hopefully see more installations.

Even thought the evening was amazing, there was a disappointment. I wanted to see the Guillotine installation, but when we got there, it was nowhere to be found.  When I arrived home, I looked it up, apparently there was a whole slew of installations in the alley the runs behind the Gladstone and that was one of them.  Too bad the information pamphlet we had didn’t indicate this, otherwise we would have wandered back there.  This was one of my irks the last time I did Nuit Blanche and is a continuing pet peeve.  They need to be a bit more specific.  I know Nuit Blanche is supposed to be a bit of an adventure, but the crowds are missing out on installations.  Cathy and I found a few by mere serendipity.  Had we not questioned a few opens doors and wandered in, we would have missed out on some amazing art.

All in all, it was the best 5 hours I’ve spent in a long time.  Had the weather been more co-operative, I may have lasted a few more hours and gotten to a few more of my friends installations, but the chill got in and the steam blew out.  I love this city for events like these and hope we continue to fight against the rats at city hall. This city is  filled with incredibly talented musicians, actors, artists, writers, poets.  We are all here to live our dream, please don’t take this away from us. Though Nuit Blanche is still an event in it’s infancy, I can’t image it no longer existing.  The first weekend of October wouldn’t be the same.

2 weeks ago I was at my parents.  Listening the sounds of crickets and silence.  I bitch a lot about not liking my hometown, but always love being with my parents.  I had an amazing visit with them and before I left, I made a trip to their awesome garden!  I’ve been living off the bounty since!  Tonight I had to use up the last of the tomatoes, I didn’t want them to go bad… This is what became of them.

Before…

After…..

GIT IN MA BELLY!!!  I was going to make a pie, but ran out of steam….  Maybe tomorrow…