Recently I did something that’s been scaring me for a really, really long time. Something I’d built up in my head to be harder than it really was. Though encouraged by others I put it off, made excuses and ultimately hid from my own creative development. Finally, last Thursday I found my inner balls and did something about it.
I used to be fearless… Any excuse to be on stage, sing out loud or show off to an audience and I was there. One day, during a presentation for work, I was ultimately humiliated in front of my peers by a senior manager and something inside me went into hiding. The thought of revealing my own creations to the pubic caused me panic attacks, stifling the artist in me. I was missing out on something that gave me joy, due the actions of one unimportant person.
It took me months of building up the nerve, but I finally did it. Last Thursday, at The Beautiful and The Damned, I read my work to an audience. 2 poems and a Haiku was all it took to cut the ropes that held me back. I put myself in a situation where I had to nut up, posted on Facebook that I was doing it, told someone to put me on the open mic schedule, friends came out for me. I felt like my entire body was shaking the entire time, but I did it!
Now that I conquered this… What’s next… Wiping out the rest of my fears. No more baby steps. This girl is taking one great big leap forward!