stay the fuck home

Stay The Fuck Home Potato Potato Edition!

Due to COVID there is apparently an over abundance of potatoes in storage right now and due to this the cost of buying them at a fruit stand or grocer should be a lot cheaper than in past. So… let’s get out there and buy us some potatoes.

Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who don’t know how to cook potatoes. I know. I know. It’s something that seems relatively easy, yet, can be frustrating all the same. I am posting a few links to potato cooking basics and a few fancy recipes for those who have their tater skills down.

Roast https://www.spendwithpennies.com/simple-herb-oven-roasted-potatoes/

Baked https://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-bake-a-potato-in-the-oven-165615

French Fries https://smittenkitchen.com/2017/03/easiest-french-fries/

Potato Wedges

Scalloped

Shepherd’s Pie

Curry Shepherd’s Pie https://www.bosh.tv/recipes/curry-shepherds-pie

Potato Buns This one an be easily veganized.

Stay The Fuck Home The Roller Derby Girl Edition

Ever since I can remember I’ve wanted to be a Roller Derby Girl. Many, many moons ago, I was even going to try out, then I fucked up my knee and that dream was temporarily blown. Recently, I started getting the itch again seeing posts of my friend Renae’s Roller Derby team. Also, it’s a really effing good work out! However, it will need to wait, heck, I don’t even own skates any more. A girl is never too old to dream though.

How did I originally fall in love with Roller Derby? Believe it or not, after watching a re-run of Kansas City Bomber with my Papasita. The movie itself is sensational and showy, only showing the Hollywood version of Roller Derby, but it got me interested. I then started watching 1950s footage of women’s Roller Derby, started reading up on what it really was, the rules, about the teams and really fell in love. I grew up in a small town and we sadly didn’t have a league, but that didn’t stop me from harassing my parents until they bought me a pair of skates. Luckily, our arena had roller skating every weekend and I was there every opportunity I had. That’s another thing I’m really missing right now, roller skating.

I digress. More on actual Roller Derby! The first game of Roller Derby was played in 1935 in Chicago, Illinois, USA and was banked-track roller-skating marathons. I love that the Roller Derby was originally an extension of dance-a-thons, walk-a-thons. A truly depression era twist to it. It wasn’t until the 1940s when Roller Derby became a professional sport. If you want to dive into the full history of Roller Derby, Wikipedia has a really good article! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_roller_derby

The Rules from the WFTDA website.

https://rules.wftda.com/summary.html

And a video for those who want a quick summary!

1950s Roller Derby If you are willing to search there are some great videos of footage of live bouts from the 1950s on YouTube. This one is pretty good quality.

Modern Day Roller Derby Toronto Roller Derby vs Queen City Roller Girls

If you want to watch a few Hollywood movies about Roller Derby here are two suggestions!

Whip It

Kansas City Bombers

If you would rather read a lovely, fun fictional tale, my friend Heather Wood has a book called Roll With It. I highly recommend this.

Leagues According to the WFTDA there are currently 454 WFTDA Member Leagues on 6 continents. For the full list, so you can go check out some bouts once we are out of pandemic jail, click here!

If you live in Toronto or surrounding area, here are our teams, please get out to hoot and holler them on as soon as we can!

Durham Region – Durham Region Roller Derby — https://wftda.com/wftda-leagues/durham-region-roller-derby/
Hamilton – Hammer City Derby — https://wftda.com/wftda-leagues/hammer-city-roller-derby/
Toronto – Toronto Roller Derby — https://wftda.com/wftda-leagues/toronto-roller-derby/
All of Canada (the website copyright is 2017 — not 100% sure how up-to-date this list is) https://www.rollergirl.ca/rollerskaters.html
Canadian Flat Track Stats (also not sure how up-to-date this is) — http://flattrackstats.com/teams/results/canada-travel-team

Stay The Fuck Home Dance Edition

The other day I saw a post about a line-dancing instructor who, because she couldn’t teach in a classroom, took it to the streets of her neighbourhood. This is a really great way to dance, get some exercise in and still be able to physical distance. Though I personally am not into line-dancing, I would still be up to someone doing other types of dance where we could still physical distance.

There are a variety of dance moves you can easily do while safely physically distancing. If you know how to teach any of these, maybe bring it to the streets of your neighbourhood. If you don’t already know the moves, learn them and start a community physical distance dance party.

If you don’t want to take it to the streets, why not start a virtual dance party!

The Stroll is both a slow rock ‘n’ roll dance and song that was popular in the late 1950s. To perform The Stroll, you would have two lines of dancers, men on one side and women on the other facing each other. You will then move in place to the music. If you want to get fancy, each paired couple then steps out and does a more elaborate dance up and down between the rows of dancers. Just make sure you keep 6 feet apart at all times!

Check out Jive Space and Black Cat Boogie! Once we are out of pandemic jail, they will be back at giving lessons! Black Cat Boogie has a few events pending, so check those out on Facebook as well. In the meantime, there are some YouTube Videos that give you the basics.

Here are a few videos to get you started.

The Charleston was a very popular dance in the 1920s and really is a lot of fun! We need to bring it back!

The original
And easy lesson

The Twist is not only a song, but was a dance made popular by Chubby Checker, but it’s a fun work out! Click here for a fun article about the story of The Twist!

If you want to keep your dance moves at home, a good friend of mine, Katie Laplante has a video on her YouTube channel and she has a video where she teaches you some Latin dance moves.

Stay The Fuck Home Paint By Numbers Edition

(For the next little while, I will be posting every other day)

As I mentioned in a previous post, when I was a kid, I loved doing paint by number! I especially liked doing the ones that had velvet on them! Now I want to start doing those again!

To get you started, I’ve included links to online and downloadable paint by number!

http://coloritbynumbers.com/online/book/flowers

https://www.creativeinchicago.com/2019/04/paint-by-number-free-download.html

https://www.winniespicks.com/blogs/painting/free-printable-paint-by-numbers

https://www.thegoldhive.com/blog/2020/4/12/a-free-downloadable-coloring-page-paint-by-numbers-of-my-tree-mural

Stay The Fuck Home And Join A Sing-a-long Edition

Some of us sing in the shower and some of us love to sing in a group, especially, when you are shy about letting others hear your voice. Belting out a song is good for your soul, helps with anxiety and damn it Jim, it’s just fun! There are lots of people out there doing virtual sing-a-longs on a variety of social media platforms. Here are a few that looks like a lot of fun!

One of the most famous sing-a-long group Choir! Choir! Choir! Has been hosting virtual sing-a-longs all over the world! Check their Facebook page for upcoming events.

If you are looking for a way to keep your kids engaged, Siân Brown has been doing songwriting workshops/sing-a-longs with kids. The results are wonderful and a lot of fun! Siân is a music therapist and we all could use a little bit of that right now.

Tundra Books are having virtual storytimes and sing-a-longs. This is another way to keep your kids engaged.

Every Friday there is a Zoom Big Gay Sing-a-long presented by Sing The Easy Way. It’s free and looks like an absolute blast! This one takes place in England.

With a title like Carradine’s Cockney Sing-a-long, um, yes please! This sounds like it would be an absolute blast! It looks like they post the lyrics for each upcoming sing-a-long on their website and goes live on Facebook every Thursday from 8.30-9.30pm. (this is also England time)

I’m personally thankful for that we have technology that still allows us to be together when we need to be apart. Zoom, Facebook Live and Instagram Live are a few platforms that have made this possible.

If you know of any other virtual sing-a-longs, please post them in the comments.

Stay The Fuck Home Real Talk Edition

What day or week are we on with Pandemic Jail? I’ve actually lost count. I’m sure most of you have as well. I thought I would take a break from posting my usual tips and tricks or weird content to talk about how I’m feeling. If this isn’t your thing, it’s ok, something fun, hopefully helpful or weird will be posted tomorrow I’m sure.

I’m and introvert, who in all honesty is ok with self-isolation. I was a weird kid who hid in her room when people were over or went off and sat under a tree to read at outdoor functions. I’ve freelanced off and on through out my life and am used to working at home, but wooooo weeeeeeee, there is a huge difference between being used to working at home and being stuck there or 7 or 8 or what that actual fuck week is this? If this girl is over it…

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. In Ontario some businesses are beginning to open again. It will be a slow trickle till everything is open, but this is a beginning. It’s giving me some hope that I will be able to see my friends soon, be able to start doing Killer B Cinema again soon, go out to events, see silent films again at The Revue, eat at our favourite restaurants, be able to buy fabric again!

Fabric? Why is that a top priority when I get out? Because this girl does creative things, including sewing her own clothing to stay sane. That is fucking why? I’m actually running out of things and I had a pretty generous stash before all of this happened. Who knew I could actually run out of these things!

But… back to real talk. That light at the end of the tunnel, it’s really there and we are finally starting to get there and you know what that means? It means we need to pull our britches up a bit more and keep doing what we are doing, because it is fucking working! I know most of us are getting impatient, hell, I’m getting impatient, however, if we keep on our path we will be let out of Pandemic Jail sooner than later. Please don’t jump the gun! If we do this right, if we keep our minds and continue to be patient, we may stop a second wave or if there is one, it will be minimal. DON’T MAKE ME LOSE HALLOWEEN!!!!

Seriously though, let’s keep up with the amazing work we are doing. Let’s get out of Pandemic Jail because of good behaviour and not because we broke out! Because they will catch us and they will throw us back in, with added time!

WE’VE got this!

Stay The Fuck Home And Bake Cookies Edition

Now that all purpose flour is returning to shelves, why not bake something that isn’t bread. Everyone deserves a treat! Many of the ingredients of the cookies I’m listing below are likely in your cupboards.

Chocolate Chip are a classic! I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like a good cookie with melty chocolate bits!
https://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/vegan-oatmeal-chocolate-chip-cookies/

Breakfast Cookies. If anyone tells you, you cannot have cookies for breakfast… well, you don’t need those kind of people in your life! Afterall, it says BREAKFAST cookie!
https://www.mydarlingvegan.com/gluten-free-vegan-breakfast-cookies/

Peanut Butter Cookies are one of my all time favourite cookies. How can you go wrong!
https://lovingitvegan.com/crunchy-vegan-peanut-butter-cookies/

Thumb Print Cookies are a fun cookie to make with your kids! https://veganhuggs.com/jam-vegan-thumbprint-cookies/

No Bake Cookies are perfect if you don’t want to turn on the oven!
https://detoxinista.com/vegan-no-bake-cookies/

Oatmeal Cookies were my least favourite cookie growing up because they always had raisin. Once I learned how to bake, I would make them and leave out the raisins or add chocolate chips. Raise your hand if you hate raisins.
https://beamingbaker.com/simple-easy-vegan-oatmeal-cookies-gf/

Stay The Fuck Home Zombies Edition

Zombies!

Come ON! You knew this one was coming!

So many people ask me why I love zombies. Why? Have you noticed that even in their undead state, they still work together as a community. Well, they do. Yes, it sucks that their limbs will fall off and they stink of rotting flesh and they need to eat the living to keep going, but yeah for community! We could all take a lesson out of the zombie book!

My love of zombies started when I was quite young. One would think it was when I was introduced to George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead (1968), but in fact, it was much earlier than that. My first taste of zombies, was much more of a traditional zombie. Movies such as Nosferatu ()King of the Zombies (1941), I Walked With Zombie (1943) and White Zombie (1932), were often played on TV. I recall watching them over and over, being fascinated with what a zombie really was. Then came along a completely different type of undead being.

Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Zombi, Night of the Comet and 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead showed us a variety of possible zombie types. Slow, fast, rabid and ones who could become friends. To this day Shaun of the Dead is still my go to movie when I feel depression creeping in.

There are also a large number of books and comic books that tell fantastic zombie stories. I have a stack of books but my favourites are World War Z, The Zombie Survival Guide, Patient Zero, and for a little bit of fun Pride and Prejudice and the Zombies! I’m also a huge fan of The Walking Dead graphic novels (not a fan of the TV series).

And of course my all time favourite zombie genre, b-movies! Here are a bunch that are available on YouTube!

Teenage Zombies (1959)

Voodoo Island (1957)

Zombies of Mora Tau (1957)

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

And some more of the classics!

Nosferatu (1922)

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

King of the Zombies (1941)

Revenge of the Zombies (1943)

White Zombie (1932)

Stay The Fuck Home The Seitanic Edition

Since everyone is buying up all of the Vital Wheat Gluten so they can make their own bread flour, and bread flour will likely start hitting the shelves again…. well, you are going to have a lot of Vital Wheat Gluten in your pantry. Time for you to learn how to make Seitan. As a bonus, I’m including one of my recipes.

First… what is Seitan (aka Wheat Meat). Wheat Meat isn’t a new thing, it’s been around for centuries and has been used in Asian dishes for just as long. The term Seitan is newer and yes, it’s pronounced the same as Satan!

Why eat Seitan? It punches a protein punch. 1/2 a cup of Seitan has 46 grams of protein in it. It’s easy to make and is a great meat substitute, plus, as I said earlier… for those of you who hoarded it, you are going to need to use it up eventually!

Let’s make Seitan!

First you will need to create a large ring with salt. Next draw a pentagram in the middle of that circle. In the middle of the pentagram place a white candle… Oops! Sorry, right… we aren’t summoning Satan… making Seitan. Get it together Lizzie!

Here are some really fun videos and recipes! Also, get your kids involved. This will be fun for them!

Basic Seitan Recipe https://simpleveganblog.com/seitan/

Seitan Steak (I made this recently and it was delish!) https://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/vegan-seitan-steak/

Seitan Tenders (yes, I show a lot of It Doesn’t Taste Like Chicken recipes — they are basic ingredients and easy to follow!)
https://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/vegan-seitan-tenders/

Seitan Nuggets – McDonald’s Inspired (kids will love this one)
https://www.theedgyveg.com/2014/03/08/vegan-mcdonalds-series-mcnuggets/

Instant Pot Seitan

Seitan Sausage
https://www.veggierose.com/post/2017/12/06/easy-vegan-sausage

Lizzie’s Seitan Sausage Recipe

Makes 4 medium-sized sausages or 6 small.  For more sausages, double or triple the recipe.

Preparation 20 minutes

Cook Time 45/50 mins

Tools: Potato masher, Bowl, Tinfoil, Steamer basket, large pot to steam with (can also be done in an Instant Pot), Standmixer (or hand knead until gluten strings form when you pull it apart)

1 Cup black beans (for the best flavour)
¼ Cup vegetable broth
1 TBSP olive oil or neutral oil of choice
1 ½ TBSP soy sauce or coconut aminos or tamari sauce
1 TBSP red miso
2 TSP smoked paprika
1 TSP fennel seeds

1 TSP cumin seeds
1 TSP black pepper
1 TSP red chili flakes
1 TSP garlic powder
1 TSP onion powder

1/3 can Jackfruit (in water or brine, do not use the one in syrup) (make sure to shred/pull apart the Jackfruit pieces)
3 TBSP nutritional yeast (I sometimes add a bit extra to boost the flavour)
1 TBSP potato starch

2 TBSP Chickpea flour

¾ Cup vital wheat gluten + 2 TBSP

In a large bowl or standmixer bowl place the black beans and with a potato masher to mash them until they are creamy (it’s ok to have some beans that aren’t completely mashed).

Add the broth, oil, soy sauce, shredded Jackfruit  and miso. Stir well to combine.

Add the smoked paprika, fennel, cumin, black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and red chili (and other spice combos you choose). Stir well to combine.

Add the nutritional yeast, potato starch, chickpea flour, and vital wheat gluten to the bowl and stir until it is all thoroughly combined. If you are using a stand mixer, use the dough hook and knead until gluten strings have begun to form.

If mixing by hand, when it gets too hard to stir, get in there with your hands and knead. Knead till you see it slightly stringy (this is the gluten working)

Let rest for approximately 5 minutes.

Quarter the batter, and form each section into a sausage shape. Make sure to pack the dough tightly as you shape it.

Wrap tightly in a sheet of aluminum foil, and wrap the ends to seal the sausage inside.

Repeat with all of the sausage dough. I also give them a roll on the table, after they have been wrapped, to even out the shape.

Prepare your steam basket. Once steaming, add the sausages, and steam for 45 minutes. 

If you are using an Instant Pot, steam for 40 minutes, then do a 10-minute natural release and then release the rest of the steam. Make sure you have at least 1 cup of water in the Instant Pot pot before you steam.

Allow them to cool to room temperature.

Once cooled, place the sausages, still wrapped in aluminum, in the fridge to firm for 3 to 5 hours or overnight (this is especially important if you plan to grill them — I usually leave them overnight)

You can reheat, grill, sauté, cook, or do whatever you want with them.

Stay the Fuck Home Guest Post by Cate McKim Theatre Edition

It’s been heartbreaking to see all the cancellations of live theatre performances—not to mention devastating for theatre companies, festivals and artists—with seasons being cut short or delayed indefinitely, and productions and festivals cancelled during the COVID-19 crisis. But there are still ways you can support companies and artists, and stay connected with theatre while we wait for the doors to open again.

Theatre artists and companies are going online, and even on the phone, to deliver livestream readings, live performances and filmed productions to a device near you! And there are also a number of resources you can tap into for up-to-date info and connection with theatre—and ways to support companies, festivals and artists. The following is by no means an exhaustive list, so please feel free to add to it in the Comments. 

THEATRE ONLINE

Canadian Opera Company #OperaAtHome posts a clip every day at 11:00 a.m. on Twitter https://twitter.com/CanadianOpera

Convergence Theatre’s (http://www.convergencetheatre.com/) over-the-phone presentation The Corona Variations http://www.convergencetheatre.com/corona-variations has new dates coming up in May

Outside the March’s production of Rosamund Small’s Vitals is up on Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/102824358

They’re also presenting an interactive theatre experience, over the phone, The Ministry of Mundane Mysteries https://outsidethemarch.ca/the-ministry-of-mundane-mysteries-an-faq/?preview=true

The Social Distancing Festival (https://www.socialdistancingfestival.com/), launched by Canadian actor/playwright Nick Green, is an online artist’s community that showcases talent from around the world, and connects the work with audiences through livestream performances and social posts.

Soulpepper presents Fresh Ink, livestream script readings, on their website: next one is on Fri, May 1 at 4:00 p.m., featuring works by Beverley Cooper, Judith Thompson and Carole Fréchette. https://www.soulpepper.ca/online/live-events

Spontaneous Theatre Canada (https://www.spontaneoustheatre.ca/) has been presenting Blind Date livestream performances on YouTube on Friday nights at 10:00 p.m. EST (with Rebecca Northan as Mimi and a featured guest actor date every week) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpJc-n4bx1XWHCqBXBbl01w (you can also catch up on previous Mimi dates). On Fri, May 1, Mimi will be joined by actor/improviser/comedian Andrew Phung (who many of you will know as Kimchee on Kim’s Convenience).

SpiderWebShow (https://spiderwebshow.ca/) is hosting FoLDA (Festival of Live Digital Art) June 10-13 https://www.folda.ca/

Stratford Festival presents streaming performances with StratFest@Home https://www.stratfordfestival.ca/AtHome

Also: Follow theatre companies, festivals and artists on social media, and visit their websites to get news/updates on one-time only livestream readings/events.

PODCASTS

PlayME by Expect Theatre: Listen to radio drama-style podcasts of Canadian plays http://www.playmepodcast.com/

Stageworthy podcast: Host Phil Rickaby interviews folks in and about theatre https://stageworthypodcast.com/

RESOURCES

Follow Toronto theatre producer and corporate/entertainment lawyer Derrick Chua (aka the King of Toronto Fringe) on Twitter; Derrick is in the know and a great resource for what’s happening in the arts all over: https://twitter.com/d_chua

Recently launched, GhostLight Canada (https://www.ghostlight.ca/) provides an online platform for theatrical mentorship, collaboration and experimentation, as well as audience/artist connection through their Friday Night at the GhostLight conversations on YouTube (first one, Margaret Atwood in conversation with Adrienne Clarkson, is May 8 at 8:00 p.m.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dajResBwffY

Hye’s Musings https://www.facebook.com/HyeMusings/

Intermission Magazine https://www.intermissionmagazine.ca/

Globe & Mail theatre critic J. Kelly Nestruck’s theatre newsletter https://www.theglobeandmail.com/newsletters/?utm_source=Globe%20Life&utm_medium=Newsletter&utm_campaign=2020-4-21_16&utm_content=GlobeLife&utm_term=newsletter_signup#newsletter-group-5

Toronto Theatre Zone Facebook group for theatre folks https://www.facebook.com/groups/TorontoTheatreZone/

HOW YOU CAN HELP 

Consider making a donation to The AFC, which provides emergency financial aid to support the health and well-being of Canada’s entertainment professionals: https://afchelps.ca/

The good folks at CBC Arts posted this great list of supports for Canadian artists/freelancers, which arts supporters can check out and donate to: https://www.cbc.ca/arts/here-s-where-canadian-artists-and-freelancers-can-find-help-during-covid-19-shutdowns-1.5503360

Have tickets to a show that’s been cancelled? Instead of requesting a refund, consider donating the price of that ticket back to the theatre.

Donate to local theatre companies and festivals. 

Support theatre companies, festivals and artists by following them on social media, and broadcast boosting their online performances over your social media accounts—and telling your friends!

Cate McKim is a multidisciplinary storyteller, an accidental freelance copy editor/proofreader, and an arts/culture lover and supporter. Her blog life with more cowbell (https://lifewithmorecowbell.com/)—once featuring reviews and interviews of and about Toronto’s arts scene, with a focus on theatre—is gradually returning after an extended hiatus, in an ongoing, emerging new direction.