bullying

Shame, Shame, Double Shame!

This week has not been off to a great start. Last night I was starting to get a migraine, likely weather related and fell asleep on the couch. Never a good thing on both counts. No one wants a migraine and falling asleep on the couch usually means a fitful sleep. We were fortunate to have a couple nice days and now there is a shift in the weather again and not only has it given me a headache, the shift may have stirred up some residual memories and feelings. These things I thought I’d let go keep popping up again.

If you’ve read my blog, you may or may not have come across a few posts about being bullied in High School for being different. For the longest time I called it being picked on, but in fact, it’s bullying. In my case I fought back, however, it still affected me. Being treated that way made me feel as if I was even more of an outsider and it pushed me to move out of that small town. I also had to learn at a very early age that I was going to have to take care of myself. No one else was going to stick up for me. It made me tough and independent. This doesn’t always happen. In many cases bullying has the opposite affect and to heart-breaking results.

In the case of myself, I tried over time to not think about it as much. I tried to let those feelings go. Yet, in my dreams it will pop up from time to time. After being fat shamed the other week, I felt horrible for a few days, then I made an effort to let it go. I’m wondering if last nights dream was that feeling stirring up again. Shaming someone will do that.

In the dream, two friends and myself are at a Rockabilly bar. One of them recognizes a man, who is standing by himself, from a Toronto band from the 1980s. (in my dream I remembered this band, when I woke up this morning it left me) They invite him to sit at our table. The conversation is fun. There is some reminiscing, lots of laughter and everyone is participating in the conversation. The musician even talks about how their band is going to start up again now that 80s music is so popular again. Then it happens. He looks directly at me, and says, “You are so fat and ugly, no one would fuck you.” At that moment everything had gone quiet, the music, the sounds of conversations, everything. Then, after he stopped talking, it started up again. He then looked away and said he had to go to the bathroom and the two friends (male) both said they needed to go as well. I then waited for what felt like a really long time and when they didn’t come back, I left. When I left the bar, my feet were suddenly bare and there were shards of ice everywhere. I had to choose to go back into the bar or walk on the ice and I kept walking. Then the dream ended.

Shaming is bullying.

In the last few years I’ve really struggled with my weight. I went from being slender and physically active, to hurting my knee, unable to exercise and gaining weight. Menopause hasn’t helped. I used to have a friend who said things such as, “Hey fatty!” When I would tell her that was a horrible thing to say, she would then say, “Just KIDDING!” In her mind twisting it into a joke made it ok. Guess what! It’s not OK! It’s never ok! EVER!

Bullying and shaming hurts the victims. Every single time. It has to stop!

How did I get to this blog post today? This morning when I went to begin yoga, I didn’t feel like it. I was tired, I still have a headache and the dream was bothering me. I was going to do an intense core practice today and rather than do nothing at all, I chose the Fill Your Cup video. It is a 22 minute video and was just what I needed, also hearing Adriene’s voice, telling me it’s ok to feel the way I feel and it helped. Doing this practice every day is helping my mind as well as my body. During the practice I kept coming back to why I can’t let go of how horrible I feel about being bullied and shamed, then started to feel heart-broken for those who are pushed to suicide because of it. Bullying has to stop!

If you are being bullied or feeling helpless, lost and suicidal I am including links to helpline’s. I know you may not feel like you can talk to anyone, but please, if you can, contact one of these helplines.

Bullying Canada — https://www.bullyingcanada.ca/
Canada Suicide Prevention — https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/

Day 15

Day 15! Halfway there! I plan to keep on with daily yoga after this. It’s good for me in so many ways! I will stop posting about it once I’m done day 30. One thing it did help with is getting back into the process of blogging again.


Now onto the picture and why I chose it.


Every single time I watch a classic movie, I am drooling over all of the clothing and dreaming about making them. Look at the gorgeous outfit Joan Crawford is wearing. Back on day 3, I mentioned that I make my own clothing. I wanted to talk a little bit more about that because making my own clothing and thrifting makes me happy. I also want to talk a little about bullying.


In High School, our Home Ec teacher was treated with a lot of disrespect and bullied by a group of girls. Many times they tormented her to the point of making her cry. Those girls still live in my small hometown and have literally done nothing with their lives. Being bullies got them nowhere. More about bullies in a moment.


There was also a small group of us who loved our Home Ec teacher. We benefited from that. She went off the lesson plan with us and taught us how to finish garments, fancy seams and how to self-draft. To this day I still self-draft many of my garments and when I do I remember that wonderful woman.


I find the process of making my own clothing therapeutic and rewarding. This year I am going to fully learn how to use drafting systems and I want to learn how to grade patterns by hand and on the computer.


Back to bullying. Yesterday I shared a post (in my feed) about walking away from people who make fun of or put you down over your successes. When someone belittles your hard work and makes fun of it trying to make you look foolish for being proud of your work, that is a type of bullying. If you work hard for something, and someone tries to diminish that success, tell them to go away. Never be afraid to stand up to bullies. Never be afraid to walk away from friends who do that to you because and here’s a little tidbit for you, those people aren’t friends. Be proud and celebrate your successes. Do not let anyone take that away from you!