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“Oh Hi Mark” and why The Room is the best movie of all time

“There are people who have seen The Room and those who haven’t seen The Room.” Neil Traynor

*** There will be spoilers.***

I love terrible movies.  They are my happy place.  The schlockier the movie the happier I am. I show no prejudice for genres and have watched them all from horror to sci-fi to romantic; silent; film noir; b-movies; romance; expressionist; westerns and comedy. If it’s considered a badly made movie, I want to see it. My current two favourites are Plan 9 From Outer Space and The Screaming Skull.  In my heart of hearts I never thought any movie could knock either of those off the top of my list. Who could possibly beat Ed Woods and take his title? Always up for a bad movie challenge,  I was ready, willing and open to seeing if this could take the reigns.

For MONTHS now, our good friend Neil Traynor (1) has been telling us about The Room, insistent that once we watch it, we would never be the same again. Finally we were able to arrange a viewing and as Neil said, it was life changing. It might actually be the best movie of all time. How could this be, you ask? The Room has it all. Love, sex, romance,  action, violence, blood, family values, long drawn out sex scenes, drug intervention, x-files style disappearance of actors, belly button fucking, more long, drawn out sex scenes and best of all, no plot.

I’m serious.  There is no plot. None. Nada. Zilch. Zero! Not only is there no plot, I personally feel that one of the reasons this movie has become such a cult hit, is you cannot, in anyway, describe to someone what the storyline is. There is an amazing Wikipedia page that has a very thorough breakdown of the movie, the characters, many of the issues with the movie and the production of The Room.  However, even after reading the page, you still have no idea what exactly this movie is about.  You just need to watch it.

The Room is Tommy Wiseau’s directorial debut and what a debut it is.  Oh… did I mention that he also produced it, wrote it and stars in it.  Mr. Wiseau is a bit of a mystery man himself. He is famous for keeping his past and personal life secret.  Even the Wikipedia page about Tommy Wiseau, doesn’t reveal very much. Who is this mystery man? Is he even real? A figment of our imagination?  Only way to find out, is to attend one of the many Love is Blind events happening across North America.  If it comes to Toronto or even a city near here, I will be first in line to get tickets.  After all, I need to know why Tommy Wiseau wears two belts. Although… he does have his own YouTube channel, called Tommy Explains It All (https://www.youtube.com/user/TommyExplainsItAll), yet… he explains nothing.  

Social Media platforms such as YouTube and Facebook have helped The Room’s infamy grow.

There are many memes.

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Quotes 

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Montages

and videos of critique.

 

All of this is helping to keep The Room alive. You could literally spend hours, hell, even days watching the many videos being created to celebrate this cult hit.  Oh, and I can’t forget there is a Star Wars Mashup!

The Room has a huge cult following and fan-base.  It also has  a play, a book , a video game,  a Facebook page dedicated to it, a-soon-to-be-released mocumentary, a documentary called Room Full Of Spoons and there is a movie being made about it, that James Franco is producing, directing, writing and starring in.  Sound familiar! How did this movie become such a huge hit?  It rivals movies such as Plan 9 and it’s huge fan base is dedicated and steadily growing. It is a phenomena with many, many unanswered questions.  Like the ones I have, such as:

What happened to Peter the psychologist?
Where can I rent that green screen?
Where can I find that 1880’s industrial shot?
How can it be sunny and smoggy at the same time?
Where did that new guy come from?
Will Denny survive without Johnny?
Will Lisa ever find love again?
Did Claudette survive the breast cancer?

Sooooooo many questions!

Back to my opening statement about this movie possibly being the best movie of all time.  Let’s take a moment to think about this. When I say best movie of all time, what I mean is best terrible movie of all time. When I watched it, I laughed till I was laugh crying.  I was laugh crying till my stomach hurt so bad, that I thought I was going to throw up. We discussed this movie indepth, for hours afterwards, my love and I talked about it as we were going to sleep and woke up talking about it.  All of our conversations for the next several hours have been dominated by it AND we have been quoting the movie. I have spend all of my time researching the movie, Tommy Wiseau and am agonizing over what happened to the actors, needing answers to my questions and searching to find out if a “Love is Blind” event is coming to a place near us. I have been feeling all of the emotions you would after seeing a movie that blows your mind.

How does this movie compare to my current top favourites Plan 9 From Outer Space and Screaming Skull?  The Room is definitely comparable in cult status to both these movies and over the top in terrible. Does it knock either of them off the top.  No, but it definitely ties for top spot.

You have to see this movie. It was even shot so you can watch it 2D or 3D. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V10Px9xbrbU Apparently it wasn’t shot to be a 3D movie, Tommy Wiseau just decided to shoot with two cameras, because he could.  When you watch the movie, don’t forget to say hi to Mark.

(1) Neil Traynor is a Toronto born singer/songwriter guitarist/multi-instrumentalist.

spork

Size Beautiful

I really wish someone would start a campaign called ‘Size Beautiful’.  A campaign to teach women to love their bodies no matter what size or shape they are.  Society has us so brainwashed into thinking we have to be a size zero to be accepted, that we will starve ourselves to look that way and this has to STOP!  I’m a curvy girl. I’m smart, attractive, creative and most importantly healthy.  I’m NOT a SIZE!  I refuse to be a SIZE!  When someone asks me what size I am, I always say ‘I’m this size.’ Women all around the world also need to stop being sizes!  Be healthy!

I’m a recovering Bulimic.  I suffered in my teens and twenties, because I also thought I needed to be a certain ‘size’.  In the process I screwed up my metabolism and my health.  I’ve since fixed my physical health and hopefully most of my mental health since accepting I’m not a ‘size’.  We place so much importance on size that we forget the most important things are being healthy and taking care of ourselves.  As a curvy girl and a Vegan, I constantly get this question.  ‘You’re a Vegan, but you aren’t….. (they pause because they can’t say it, SKINNY).  I always respond, ‘I’m Vegan and I eat well.’  I have an incredibly healthy diet, I am active (though no athlete) and have no health issues, my body isn’t meant to be thin, or muscular or any other shape than this shape. I’m proud that to be this shape. I LOVE that I have curves.


There was a time when society coveted curvy women.  Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell, Mae West and Jayne Mansfield were idolized by all. Women wanted to be like them and men wanted them.  These women couldn’t keep men out of their beds. When did this stop?  It never should have. Where along the way did society stop believing that women shouldn’t have curves?  We need to take a step back, look at woman as a woman, not as some image a magazine portrays as what a woman needs to look like.  If you are one of those people who won’t date, befriend or love a woman because of her size, try looking beyond the package and you will see you are missing out on being with a fabulous human being.  You are missing out on someone who is beautiful both inside and out.  I grew up being told over and over again by my father that everyone is beautiful, no matter what their packaging is.  I never used to ‘get it’, but I do now.  He’s right.

Wait!  Wait one darn minute!  Why am I waiting for someone else to start this campaign?  Let’s all start it right here, right now! Stop being a size. Start being healthy.  Be size beautiful.