What the hell is dry mopping and doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

Why aren’t there any Scottish Pubs in Toronto? Why do the Irish get to have all the fun…

How can you sound like a broken record? If it’s broken… you shouldn’t be able to play it.

What the hell is wrong with Kermit the Frog? You have this hot, curvy blond that is infatuated with you, yet you continue to run away.

Why is it if I use my knowledge of what to do during a Zombie Apocalypse I can figure shit out, but when I use simple logic, I screw my life up.

How many morons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who ever invented duct tape is a f*cking genius.

Why don’t men make passes at women who wear glasses. Afraid they are too smart for you? Nerds are hot!

Why is it that the nonsensical conversations I have with people are the only ones that make sense?

WWLD

Lemmy is GOD!

Elvis isn’t dead. He was abducted by aliens.

Why am I funnier on Twitter?

I wish someone would come to my place and cook me a meal for a change.

I still think boys with tattoos are hot and you can’t change my mind!

Smiki logic works in almost every situation.

Yes… I’m drinking alone and weird things are happening in my head right now. Seriously, I’m delirious and shouldn’t be left to my own thoughts.

TBC